Glastonbury: The Idiocy
You may have read that some blinged up gangsta wonk has been given a prestigious headline slot at Glastonbury, the glamorous Somerset music festival - and now, due to this booking and this booking alone, they're having trouble shifting tickets.
"I'm not having hip hop at Glastonbury. It's wrong... Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music", said Noel Gallagher, whose brilliant band Oasis I remember lighting up the Pyramid Stage in 2004. "Glastonbury is contaminated", wisely put in Alexchil on the NME website. "They needed some huge band to headline, not some hip-hop wank", opined MAD_FER_IT. ("Keep Glastonbury White" said mosley666, though this post has since been deleted).
As for Glasto's "summer season" credentials, they have taken a serious hammering. "Harumph!" declared posh_totty: "I never believed those proles who claimed Glasto was good for a jolly. That fact that they're letting nig-nogs onto the main stage rather proves my point - let's leave it to the middle orders this year, what? Who's up for Henley?" (This post has also been mysteriously deleted).
So what was Emily Eavis, who has taken over most of the running of from her father Michael, thinking? Compare Jay-Z (rhymes with 'lazy') with the other Pyramid Stage headliners, The Verve and Kings of Leon. The Verve are a groundbreaking band whose continued relevance is proved by their appearance at every single other festival in the world this summer. That Glastonbury chose to give them the prestigious headline slot where other festivals have only seen fit to stick them on the second stage is just proof of the groundbreaking spirit that makes Glastonbury the world's most groundbreaking music festival. Likewise the Kings of Leon; the piddling Werchter festival in Belgium only puts them fourth down the bill - but perhaps those Europeans do not realise the true majesty of the fact that not only do they have one guitar in their line up - they've got two. Three if you count the bass. Jay-Z probably doesn't even know what a guitar is.
Even I can't keep up the narky sarcasm for much longer, though really, in the face of the idiocy being spouted about Jay-Z's headline slot at Glastonbury, it is hard to remain composed. But let's get this straight: the fact that Glastonbury has not yet sold out this year has very little to do with Jay-Z. Though I'm no special fan, it's pretty clear to anyone with half an ear that his acheivements make The Verve and Kings of Leon's careers look like the sideshows that they are. His booking is by no means out of keeping with Glastonbury's history ("We've booked Cyprus Hill [sic] before" chirped Emily in yesterday's Independent) and indeed, before this idiotic brouhaha, Jay-Z may have attracted as many first time ticket buyers - now likely to be put off by the prospect of lynch mobs.
In reality, the poor sales are perhaps something to do with the fact that Glastonbury last year was a horrible, overcrowded, poorly organised misery-fest, an environment so bleak that for the first and only time in my life I found the music of the Editors striking a chord. Every single one of my friends who went vowed it would be their last. I gave it four stars only through a combination of residual nostalgia and relief (don't tell anyone, but I snuck away on Sunday morning and watched the rest on telly).
What the Jay-Z storm does emphatically prove is that the mainstream rock audience, as epitomised by Noel Gallagher, has never been quite so cloth-eared, narrow-minded and parochial as it is now. And to link the two points together, this is why Glastonbury has gone way downhill in the relatively short period since I first went in 2003 - and the reason why people don't want to go back. I've no doubt those who were regular attendees before then would argue that the rot set in before 2003, but still, five years ago a visit to Glastonbury genuinely felt like a step outside society; the acts themselves didn't matter nearly as much as the spirit of the thing, the heady mix of philosophies and characters. I barely looked at the line-up (though I do remember a pretty enjoyable set form De La Soul), barely took any drugs and did the whole thing on £5.37 - and it was still one of the best weeks of my life.
Now the "alternative" music that seemed to Glastonbury's ostensible point from the outside, but never was from the inside, has been co-opted into the mainstream, the average festival-goer is far more likely to be the kind of bonehead with fast broadband who only thinks music is real if it has a guitar behind it. And once they've turned up to Glastonbury, hoping for some kind of polite rock'n'roll adventure, they find everyone is a bit like them, it's raining, overcrowded and there's no real escape beyond, say, listening to the Editors.
Which leaves us in a paradoxical position: if this kind of festival-goer is genuinely not going to go to Glastonbury because of Jay-Z - and the thousands who have bought their tickets already are the sort of game old stager who'd make it to the festival whatever the line-up - then 2008 could be a vintage year. Less crowds, sunny skies (surely after three rainy festivals a scorcher is due?) - and a gloriously entertaining Pyramid Stage set from a genuine musical pioneer to crown it. And I'm not talking about the Verve or Kings of Leon.
How absolutely refreshing.
I have been disgusted by the comments made by Gallagher. How sad and narrow sighted to not realise this is a PERFORMING ARTS FESTIVAL which actually means (quelle horreur) there will be MANY people without guitars there.
I have never listened to Jay-Z, but as a seasoned festival-goer I for one am heartily looking forward to seeing what Jay-Z brings to the party.
Posted by: Zoe | 17/04/2008 at 10:11 AM
at long last someone talking sense!
well done richard goodwin
Posted by: jamie | 17/04/2008 at 10:21 AM
It's a combination of factors that has slowed Glastonbury's sales this year.
Not least last years festival which was awful. However the Glastonbury Line-up for my money has been getting progressively weaker year on year.
The one and only time I went to Worthy farm was in 2003 when the line-up including R.E.M, Radiohead, The Flaming Lips, Mogwai, Sigur Ros, Jimmy Cliff- maybe just a good year but I look at this years line up and I have no interest in going.
It's not just Jay-Z either, although I feel the Eavis' have badly misjudged their target audience by putting such a divisive form of music at the top of the bill. Basically you either love or hate Hip-hop.
But The Verve, great band undoubtedly but 14 years ago, are they that relevant anymore?
And if Kings of Leon are a Glastonbury Headliner then I'm Michael Eavis' beard.
But I think the biggest problem for Glasto is the emergence of these new so-called 'boutique' festivals.
A lot of them are later in the year, more convenientally located and sucessfully replicate that Glastonbury Ethos.
I fear we may be seeing the end of Glastonbury- what made it such a wonderful experience and what set it apart from other festivals has slowly been eroded over the years.
However like so many who go to Glastonbury I'll remember my weeked in Somerset as one of the best of my life.
Posted by: Will | 17/04/2008 at 10:53 AM
Glastonbury lost it's place as the best festival in the UK some years ago. Gone are the heady days of old. Even Lost Vagueness has pulled out.
There are too many people cashing in on it. I have been going most years for the last 10.
The line-up was always prety good, but the slight mystique that drew you to the festival has withered away.
On a Jay-zee tip, Glastonbury has had lots of hip hop acts but a Headlining bling, gold alloy, mainstream cheesemeister is not what it has ever been about. How many people at last years festival would have wanted to Jay-Z this year? Not many.
I like hip hop and am all for it at any festival, Jurassic 5 in '99 were awesome, but Eavis' idea that 'Jay-Z will shake up Glastonbury' certainly has. The old phrase 'if it aint broke don't fix it' fits quite well. Festival suicide.
Posted by: Fish | 17/04/2008 at 11:41 AM
I'm a Britpop veteran and I don't like (in fact, borderline detest) Hip Hop, so I'm the exactly the kind of person that gets excited about The Verve and growns at rap-spinning bling-encrusted gangstaz in baggy trousers.
But that's just my preference. I won't try to elevate my opinion into some sort of moral statement about the ethos of Glastonbury. If I don't like the lineup, which I don't, then woe unto me.
If we all expected our favourite type of music to be popular forever, we'd be no better than our Barry Manilow-loving grandmothers that cringe at anything with an electric guitar in it.
It's sad but it happens to everyone - our hayday passes and we feel old. Alas.
Posted by: Tom | 17/04/2008 at 12:25 PM
Cor blimey I wish I got paid for being a sarcastic shite. I'd be rolling in it by now. More boring than the Jay-Z debate is the amount of rubbish being spewed out by morons about how the festival isn't quite as good as it used to be. Apparently Ibiza is the same either and i've also heard that no band will ever be bigger than The Beatles. See, I can be sarcastic too.
You do hit a couple of nails on the head (this year will be a surprise hit, noel is blinkered as f***) but spend the rest of the time hitting your thumbs. Watch out for tinnitus when Kings Of Leon blow your tiny mind....
Posted by: Chicken George | 17/04/2008 at 12:45 PM
"Cor blimey I wish I got paid for being a sarcastic shite."
...so do I, George. So do I.
Posted by: RG | 17/04/2008 at 12:52 PM
Noe lis right
Hip Hop is for criminals only
Every hip hop star has done time and is a druggie
Its known fact
Posted by: Emimeninem | 17/04/2008 at 01:30 PM
"Noe lis right
Hip Hop is for criminals only
Every hip hop star has done time and is a druggie
Its known fact"
"Comments are moderated, and will not appear on this weblog until the author has approved them."
How did this illiterate, ill-informed, prejudice make it through your rigorous approval process, RG?
Posted by: Shame79 | 17/04/2008 at 02:45 PM
I am a libertarian on these matters, Shame79 - I think it's important that the full range of response should be published... give 'em enough rope and they will hang themselves - as our semi-literate friend duly does above.
Posted by: RG | 17/04/2008 at 03:01 PM
From the sound of some of the posters on this forum it is clear that it is not just that JayZ is going to Glasto but that a Highly rated Hip-Hop act is going in the Bigots Zone. If they headlined Eminem would you still say these things. Hip Hop is here to stay Live with it. Maybe if they review the cost of tickets they will sell. simply logic.
Posted by: JAY Z For Glasto | 17/04/2008 at 04:04 PM
Your comments not only sound racist- "wonk" but the ramblings of a middle class wanker with FA knowledge or music.
Posted by: NA | 17/04/2008 at 04:39 PM
Isn't the lack of sales also down to the pronoucements by Michael Eavis that the general age of people going was too old(!) and that they wanted to make it easier for a younger crowd to get tickets by on-line registeration? After all no one over say ooh 35 can work out how to buy stuff on-line. The organisers attitude to the committed glasto goers and the line-up have probably worked together, and if it's the first that's not sold out well good, the demographic is in favour of the older festival goer and why shouldn't they have fun when they supported and attended forever, and now are apparently not good enough.
Posted by: non festival goer | 17/04/2008 at 05:08 PM
I have noticed that Glastonbury is slowly changing because I saw Bob Marley's sons doing a good set last year on TV. But I was shocked to see Jay Z as a HEADLINE act. Although I am a hip hop fan, I expected Franz Ferdinand or someone white instead. Maybe if white guys like the Beastie boys or Eminem were headlining the show then everyone would say how great that is for Glastonbury.
I don't like the idea of dancing in the mud though and that is what puts me off Glastonbury. However, I have heard it SAID that it will be a tropical summer this year, so let's invite Jamaican acts like Buju Banton and Elephant Man who have stopped making homophobic songs now. That would sell loads of tickets!
Posted by: Rick | 17/04/2008 at 05:44 PM
i think glastonbury is about diversity and its funny seeing people shit themselves when a slightly different act is confirmed...
Posted by: durkin | 18/04/2008 at 02:20 AM
Well said Richard, at last a bit of sense in a sea of nonsense!
I agree that this could well be a VINTAGE GLASTO!
Why?
Well for a start it looks like there will be a lot less "tourists" who only come for the big acts and sit around gossiping when a band they don't know is on. People that don't realise that the headliners are only the biggest selling artists, not necessarily the most talented or entertaining.
Less musically retarted people who think anything recorded after they were teenagers, or that is outwith the narrow genre they've algined themselves to "isn't proper music" and not worth listening to.
Less cry babies who need their home comforts and can't handle a bit of rain, mud and crowds.
Less scenesters who only go because they think it's cool to do so.
Less huffy people who think that Mr Eavis's drive to get more young people back to the festival is a personal ageist attack on them.
Less unrealistic idealists who think that it's gone too commercial because of the cash points and mobile phone masts - would a festival purely interested in money screen disturbing Oxfam/Greenpeace/Wateraid films between bands? Or give away a huge chunk of the profits? Or allow you to bring your own booze and food?
It's the people that make Glastonbury - not the headliners, and last year there were too many people who fell in to one or more of the above groups that put a bit of a dampner on things for the rest of us. They aren't buying tickets this year? Good riddance I say! I certainly had less trouble getting a ticket this year!
Glastonbury is a festival of performing arts, so by it's nature the lineup should be diverse. Of course every act isn't going to appeal to everyone - just as well because you couldn't see every single act if you wanted to. Just look at the rumour list: http://www.gorge.org/glastonbury/lineup.shtml (many can be confirmed by looking at the artists myspace) if there aren't at least a dozen bands on there that you want to see then you really should broaden your horizons.
It's really quite simple, if you only like rock music with a hard edge, go to Reading / Leeds / Download, if you only like daytime radio-friendly fare with nothing too extreme then go to V festival, if you only want to see lesser known acts go to somewhere like Truck, if you want a friendly but small festival without many big name acts go to somewhere like Wickerman. If you can't handle mud and rain, go to one of the festivals in Spain. If you feel you are too old to go camping stay at home and watch the TV coverage.
Glastonbury is for people who are genuinely open minded and don't think music begins and ends with daytime radio. People who are determined to have a good time, and take the lows (mud, rain, putrid toilets, lack of shower facilities, favourite band having an off day or cancelled, dodgy sound) in their stride because they know that the many natural highs make up for those lows with bells on. Something I never understood until I went.
It's about seeing acts you'd never dream of going to see normally, and finding yourself having a ball (Chas N Dave, Hayseed Dixie, Basement Jaxx, Shirley Bassey fall into this category for me) it's about all the stuff that goes on away from the music stages that for many are reason enough to go.
Selling 100,000 tickets in a single day without an obvious traditional guitar based headliner is testement to just how good a festival it is.
Posted by: John King | 18/04/2008 at 12:11 PM
Perhaps Glastonbury's poor ticket sales are down to the change in the music scene. The whole "King Arthur slept here", Gong-esque hippy love-in, Druids-are-Us, etc. Glastonbury "thing" is not well-suited to Hip Hop, or similar music scenes. Similarly, one is unlikely to see Daevid Allen & Steve Hillage doing their thing at a Hip Hop event. Glastonbury has become a confused entity - too much acid in the 60s, I suppose.
Posted by: Richard | 18/04/2008 at 12:37 PM
Glastonbury is starting to annoy me, i'm not sure why cos I used to love it :(
Maybe it's the amount of stag and hen parties you see there now. Is seems to be more of a gimmick than a chilled out hippy weekend now I think.
Even tho I like Hip hop/rap I don't really like Jay-Z, I hear too much of it coming from the chavs around our estate and it's put me off a bit.
I miss the days of long haired hippy's at festivals :(
Posted by: Rob | 18/04/2008 at 12:49 PM
i've been to glastonbury 10 times and the main stage twice, main stage is main stream, my life wouldn't be altered in the slightest if jay-zee, oasis, verve, any of these mainstreamers didn't exist. if any hip hop artist should front for glastonbury it should be the only MC kool keith aka "mr nogatco", yeah bwoy......
Posted by: jack | 18/04/2008 at 01:28 PM
I am glad that it is only the hip hop stars that are on drugs, although I could not list 10 who have been in rehab? Not like Pete Doherty and people like the beatles who don't take drugs...?
If I was Jay Z I would rather go without a days pay than play to you red necks. You need to look at the ethnic origin of the people who invented rock... If Emimeninem was coming I am sure there would be no problem...?
Posted by: JJ | 18/04/2008 at 01:42 PM
Racism will always exist especially when there are red-necked pieces of trash around (like Emimeninem). I don't listen to Jay-Z but the festival will suck with or without him.
Posted by: Ronda | 18/04/2008 at 08:26 PM
John King is my hero
Posted by: slipstream | 19/04/2008 at 02:03 PM
Reading this article does make me somewhat wonder about the people that surround us and how they truly feel about others. As a hip hop fan i could have easily opposed to all these indie pop bands playing daily on the radio who have names that they seem to just make up while getting drunk somewhere,having said that i do listen to the likes of arctic monkey and cold play because that is true talent not peaches geldof and the future heads.. come on there's better than that..but i guess what this article is saying is that talented people that are listened
to by millions will not be welcomed because they are black or either white with problems(britney spears) since when did colour come into festivals..we are supposed to be celebrating music thats what festivals are about but unfortunately for those "music fans" who assume they know anything and think that they have the right to descriminate against
others....RAIN CHECK not in this life time.
Posted by: eliza mckintoush | 21/04/2008 at 05:22 PM
Sensible comment in the Evening Standard? Bloody hell... Careful, you'll be abandoning the smear campaign against Ken or giving Charlton fair coverage next!
But you are right, and so is John King. Of course Glastonbury isn't what it was, and I speak as a proper Glasto-bore who has been going since 1986. But last year definitely was the worst, and it wasn't just the weather. It really was unbearably crowded in the campsites, and I really felt for the first time that a lot of the people working there (stewards/'security') were treating people like 'punters', I've never felt that before.
I just hope this year we get less bloody gazebos, less picnic chairs, more freaky people, some bloody sunshine and good vibes.
See you there...
Posted by: Friendly Henry | 21/04/2008 at 07:43 PM
I had a great time at Glastonbury last year but not because of the music on the main stages. It's more what happens in the stranger corners - seeing a girl singing in latin in a cafe tent at 2am to an audience of 3, or the best rock and roll band ever, hidden deep inside a casino maze where everyone's wearing black tie and muddy wellies. Things like that happen everywhere, apart from on the big stages. Not been to any other festival that comes even close to offering the same scale of what is possible.
Posted by: Frederic Gerd | 24/04/2008 at 03:16 PM
Noel Gallagher is a wanker
Posted by: Van Skoric | 24/04/2008 at 09:49 PM
Tickets are usually sold out before the final line up is announced anyway.
Lack of ticket sales is more than likely down to the fact that everyone is skint.
Posted by: Jimbob | 29/04/2008 at 10:03 AM
roland the bastard djing at glasto,and neil diamond!!!well i never..acid techno and neil diamond..i think its gonna be a cracker this year..i agree with mr king a few lines up..well said sir!!...shangri la looks interesting
Posted by: jimbo | 14/05/2008 at 08:27 PM